Vanilla (and Slam Poetry)

Well, I had hoped to have a new story posted here this week, but I’m still working on revising it. One of my partners was feeling down, so I offered to write smut to cheer her up. She requested a vanilla scene, which seemed simple enough. That turned out not to be true. I had a couple of my writing buddies look over the first draft and they both pointed out (correctly) that it had some definite kink overtones. Since the partner I’m writing this for isn’t feeling very submissive lately, I’m making some changes.

I still plan to have it posted for next Thursday, and I’m working on some drafts of a couple other pieces, as well. In the meantime, let’s talk about my failed period as a spoken word poet.

Some of you may recall that open mic poetry slams were kind of a big thing in the mid-90s. I got taken along to one by one of my friends at the time and mostly just listened. I think I may have rapidly written down some bullshit and read it off, as well, but I don’t remember what it was. I honestly don’t recall most of the “serious” poems I wrote (badly) back then. It was a different time. I wasn’t who I am now. Back then, I didn’t know how to actually access emotion and put it down on paper. Hell, I barely even knew who I was back then. I certainly had no idea who I’d later become.

In any case, my attempts at writing serious, meaningful poetry fell flat. However, what I became known for, and what people would request at nearly every open mic I attended, was a piece called, “Amazon Space Station Slumber Party Disco.” I composed it mostly in head in about 30 minutes while I was at work one day. I don’t have a hard copy of it anymore, but I do remember the first stanza, so here you go:

Long, long ago and far, far away

What happened but a platypus

Came up to me to say

“We’d like to have a party

And we’re inviting you.

There’ll be fun and games and prizes,

Pretzels, chips, and cheese fondue.”

Yeah, it’s really bad and it didn’t get any better as it went on. It can sort of be sung to the tune of “Yellow Rose of Texas” if you force it.

I used to be embarrassed by it, despite how much people enjoyed it. I’m pretty detached from it, now. I suppose it does have a certain silliness to it that some people find charming. Cleverness, glibness, absurdity, and sarcasm come easily to me, but I don’t want to be a clown anymore.

Authenticity and sincerity and just plain realness are where it’s at for me now. My life is much better for it.

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